After a short break, I'll now continue talking about the history of me. Sort of moving onto my teenage years, which while can be a stressful/confusing time for many people, and not very pleasant to talk about too, I would like to cover on this blog.
Just before then, couple of things I missed in the last post. I first knew of a 'sex change' in year 5 (so about 10), and I was naturally curious about it. More on that in a sec. The other being in primary school, I'd have a recurring dream where I was feminised by the girls in my class. This happened using a bath, that turned me into a girl....slightly odd I know. This was born out of the simple desire to wear a skirt, something which I could not do. This desire, was not sexually driven in anyway, (I was 10 at the time) which is why I say I don't have a fetish, but a genuine desire to be female.
Anyway, I'll cover that in my cap below. For a few years these feelings all sort of died down a bit, and this was a time where I remember very little. However, as I got older, a things change. I started to notice girls, but as is a cliche in this community, I wanted to be them, rather than be with them. When I got my own computer, and didn't have the fear of being found out, I researched on the internet, mostly around wikipedia about sex changes, leading me onto gender dysphoria and so on. It also lead me on to many of the tg caption blogs there are about.
Around this time, I started cross-dressing. At first it was just knickers and tights. Leading onto bras and eventually to dresses. These were my mothers clothes, apart from a pink dress I found, which I have no idea who that belonged to. I had an old pair of school trousers I cut out to form a skirt of sorts, I had a handbag and make up, and a pair of high heels. I kept all this under pillows on my bed. My bed was a bunk bed, and I had a box between the wall and some pillows to keep it all hidden. I was quite proud of this collection, dressed up whenever I was alone in the house, and thus learnt to walk in heels. Again, none of this was sexual, I wasn't *ahem* playing with myself while dressing, as the time I didn't even know of such things. (seriously I was an innocent child).
On several occasions I was close to being caught. Internet pages were closed a little too late sometimes, and once after applying nail polish, and unsuccessfully removing it, my mother noticed and questioned me. I passed it off as felt tip from school, but I think she secretly knew. Then I really did get caught. My mum decided to change my bed clothes, and found everything. She called my dad, and they both confronted me about it when I got home. They didn't shout at me, or anything, they passed it off as curiousity on my part. I lied about how long I'd been doing it, and swore not to do it again. At one point, they even asked me the question, "do you want to be a girl?" (or words to that effect), to which I replied no. If I'd answered differently, I wonder how life would have changed after that.
For a while after that, it went away for a while, other things happened in life. But then like a year ago, it started again, not very often, and only tights or occasionally a bra. Then I decided to look for some shoes in charity shops, as the heels I had disappeared. I didn't find any, but I found a pink dress, and in the most nerve racking thing I've ever done bought it. It's several sizes too big and is kept in my cupboard out of sight, but yeah, I own a dress.
I've also shaved my legs a few times, and would like to keep them smooth, but it's too much maintainence....
Anyway, cap time, for any of you who have sat and read all that boring drivel, well done, here's your reward. It's based on the "girls feminise me in a bath" idea....so yeah.....
Emma x
