The History of Emma: Part1.

Sorry this blog has been scarce for the past few weeks, not that there's been anyone looking at it since, life kindve got in the way.

But anyway, I wanted to have a post about how everything came about, which I meant to have ages ago, but yeah. This will be the first part of how it came to be.

My 'gender dysphoria' (I don't usually use that term btw) started when I was about 4. During one of the many careless days in reception class at school, we were playing dress up....for some reason, and I wanted to wear one of the dresses, there was a yellow and a blue one. Once I put one on, and one of my young friends said "you can't wear that, dresses are for girls". I could go into a long decussion about how gender role is imparted on us from a young age, or how those who blur the lines tend to be frowned upon, but not right now. Anyway, after that I wanted to be a girl, for that reason only, and my love of dresses has always been there. During those early years, I used the girls toilets, and tried profusely to get one of the dresses during play time. At the time, I didn't really have many friends, if I remember, but the two I remember were both girls. One was called Sasha, and the other Rebecca. I moved away from the area at 7, and lost touch with both of them, but I remember playing 'horses' with Rebecca, where we'd run about pretending to be horses (I love horses as well btw), which I think is a pretty girly thing to do. After that, I got told off for using the girls toilets, and we moved away.

Some years later, at a new primary school, there wasn't really anything to talk about, apart from once when my friends and I found an alice hair band, which we all tried on (for some reason). I refused initially (embaressment, despite wanting to), but when I did, felt amazing just for something so simple, but yet feminine. I suppose that was my first time crossdressing....of sorts.....

Then, in year six, for the christmas pantomime play thing, my best friend and I played the part of the ugly sisters, which gave me the oppurtunity to wear a dress, I of course jumped at the chance, and had a nice little pink dress. A little embaressing to start with, but I still loved it. Also before the play, I kept my casting from my family, again for fear of embaressment, I was quite a shy child.....

The only other thing that I remember from my childhood really, before I finish this post and continue at another time, is going to disneyland with my parents. Big part of disney being the princesses, with the people playing the characters, and many small girls with princess dresses. Everytime I've been to disneyland, my mum has said "if you were a girl, I would buy you all of them [dresses]" to embaress me, and yeah I'd act embaressed, but really wanted that, and felt annoyed that I couldn't have them. Many dreams I had, were of being a princess, which I think is the same for every girl.

Anyway, the rest of what I have planned is sort of centred around the teenage years, so I think I'll leave that for another post. Anyway, usual cap, and music wednesday tomorrow :)

Emma x

(it's meant to be history based, and yes it's Keira Knightley)

Celeb Friday: Emma Watson

Today is the day of my second little feature. Again it's something I've seen done on other sites, but hey. Essentially, every friday I'll do a post on a celebrity I hold in high regard for a variety of reasons. Like the music idea, I have quite a few ideas of what to post here. Hopefully, it'll add a bit more variety and be worthwhile. I didn't post yesterday, partially because I didn't get round to it, and partially because I felt as I've posted every day this week I don't want to post everything at once, diluting the blog and leaving me with nothing to talk about. Also I plan to be fairly busy this weekend, so will leave another update til monday.

Anyway, back to the topic of this post, which as you can see is Emma Watson. I think I mentioned before, how much I idolise her. She (in my opinion) is gorgeous. the few pictures I've included I think show this. I am attracted to her, which shows the small part of my (male) heterosexuality being there. But I would much rather BE her than be with her. To look like her, to wear the clothes she does, and to have grown up as a girl as she has. She is two years older than me, I first knew of her (as would have pretty much everyone) after the first HP film, and 'noticed' her then. I've admired her for what she's done, and feel she's a good role model for girls these days. She's my favourite female celeb out there (if that doesn't sound too vain), and thus my namesake. Anyway, I think these pictures speak for themselves. Oh and I also prefer her with longer hair. I like long hair, both on myself and on others.

Emma x

Emma-TV: Music Wednesday

I mentioned yesterday that I'll integrate some "special features" into this blog. They're not that special, and both of them I've seen on other blogs, but hey this is my blog, I can post as I wish. As you can probably guess from the title, the first feature will be music based. Essentially it will be a song, or other musically related item that I feel relates to TG. I know there's a whole blog dedicated to such things (I can't remember the name of it, otherwise I'd reference it), but this is just my take on it. You can hate it if you want, as you can hate this whole blog. You can be cynical and say it's just a cop out as I can't think of anything to say, or any caps to make, but I don't care :P

Anyway, back on topic. The first song I've decided to feature is Shania Twain with Man! I Feel Like a Woman. It's fairly clear how this relates to anything, so I don't think I need to explain it too much. It encompasses a few of the things I long to do, such as wear skirts and colour my hair. It's a song that I first heard a long time ago, probably on the radio. I listen to it fairly frequently, and if I didn't hate the phrase "guilty pleasure" I'd apply it to this. But anyway, I've embedded the video below, it's fairly self-explanatory, and I shall be back with another blog tomorrow :)

Emma x

So, who is Emma? Part II

Yeah, so the last post was mostly about the guy me, this one's about the girl me. I think it's obvious thus far, I want to be one. If I'd been born a girl, my parents would have called me Rebecca. I'm not taking that as my first name as it's the same as another TG blog, and that's what it always reminds me of. So, when I first talked to someone about this, in real life, they asked what I would take for name, and I chose Emma. I think I'll take Rebecca as my middle name. Anyway, there's a lot of things I'd like to do as Emma, or just as a girl in general, that I can't do now. Things like dye my hair, or paint my nails. I grew my hair really quite long a while ago, and it's getting long again now, and I've always kept my nails quite long. It's mildly acceptable for a guy to do these things, but if I painted my nails bright red, and dyed my hair blonde or red as I'd like to do, that would be less acceptable. I could do it, just as I shave my legs (nice images for you there...) but people would ask questions, and at this stage I'd like to keep my two worlds separate. Anyway, I would love to do all that, and to dress up in skirts everyday, like a normal girl. As a girl, I would always wear dresses and skirts as much as possible, and be a real girly girl. This is shown in other ways too. I mentioned my love of Taylor Swift, and my music taste would be typically girly, with a pink ipod, pink phone etc. I can't do these things, and it has hurt me with not being able to. That's not to say I've not experimented. Short of dying my hair, I've shaved (and on one occasion) waxed my legs, mucked about with make up, and cross dressed in the past. Currently there's a pink dress hidden in one of my cupboards (its two sizes too big but hey). I'll go into more about my history at another stage, but I'd just like to say here that it's not a fetish thing. I've read about the differences between TG's and crossdressers/crossdreamers on blogs much better than this one, and while I call myself an autogynephiliac to an extent, it is due to a never ending desire to be a girl. One day I will be Emma, but as I've said that's not now due to certain things, and that will  be covered in another post for another day.

I think it's due for a caption. But before then I'd like to spell out how this blog will work. I hope to keep it updated every day, or every few at least, but this won't just be these sort of posts, with a cap at the end. I plan to have two "feature" posts a week (which I'm keeping a surprise for now) which won't have captions. Hopefully they'll be interesting enough to keep entertained those who visit just for the caps. Sometimes, when I don't have anything to say, I might just do a post of some caps, which will be better for some I suspect. About the caps, I don't claim that they'll be any good, or original in fact, and also I'll probably be keeping them softcore. I think that's all, so I'll leave you with this cap, appropriately with Taylor Swift.

Emma x

So, who is Emma?

I though I'd continue this blog, by telling you a little about the guy I am, and will make a post about the girl I want to be at another time. It might be a bit boring, but hey this needs to be said. I'm an 18 year old guy, currently in my final school year before I go off to university, I know what Uni I want to go to and what to study etc. I'm openly bi, as I've said. By which I mean I'm open to anybody who'd ask, I've not bothered to tell everyone as they don't need to know. Anyway, I've wanted to be a girl as long as I can remember, at least since I was four. Something I shall tell in the next post. I've followed many TG blogs and sites other the past few years, which have helped me with who I am. It's been the cause of a lot of depression through my life, and I went through some tough times, where I self harmed (I'm not afraid to admit that) but you'll be pleased to know that stopped. These days I'm a lot happier with who I am. It got to the point where I decided I want to transition. I'm not sure when that will be, what with still being young and the like. Considered whether it would be worth doing so during the Uni years, but there's some problems with that. Again something I will come to in a later blog (I have plans for blog posts for a couple of weeks btw). Anyway, where was I. I've never had a gf (or bf for that matter), and my luck in that department has been nil. Despite this, I claim to have a fairly active social life, and some excellent friends. Some of whom I've told all this too, and they've been supportive. I've never mentioned it to any family, despite some events (again see a later post), and that will be a problem when I choose to have the change. As a guy, I've built up a pretty good facade (I don't know how to get the soft c...) to hide my true self. I like a lot of guy things. Cars, music that sort of thing. I play the guitar, and my favourite bands are typical rock bands like Bon Jovi and Muse and the like. Although I do hold a soft spot for Taylor Swift. Anyway, more on my music later, I've got a quick cap now. The way I hope this blog will work is I'll have a post with some writing (like this one, but hopefully a bit more interesting in future) and then a cap at the end. I don't claim that they'll be any good, or whether anyone will pay any attention to them, but it might keep the interest of readers too lazy to read the actual blog. Oh and this blog hasn't been made very public yet. I'll try and get it out ther after it's been established a bit more, anyway cap time, and who else but my namesake....

Emma-gence

Hi. Ignore the bad pun, if I continue with this you'll be seeing plenty more of them...I'm Emma, obviously. That's a girls name, but I'm not one, at least not yet. I've always wanted to be, and am considered having the change in the future, but it's impractical atm, and there's things I'd need to work around. More on that another time. This is just another TG/TS/Autogynephiliac blog out there. I don't know why I'm making it, just bored of keeping all this to myself. Perhaps I'll post some caps, they always seem popular, whether mine will be any good or not is another matter....but I'll keep it as a diary of sorts of everything, and so on. If you're reading this you're probably as bored as I am by now. But anyway. Me. I'm an 18 year old guy, from the good old U.K. I identify as being bisexual, although I've never got anywhere near anything with either gender. but hey, life's long. My name comes from my 'obsession' with Emma Watson. I'm rambling again, so I'll stop here, write some more later....

Emma x