I'm back

That's a boring title, but hey it's pretty accurate. Sorry for not posting in forever, I've been busy wth exams, and then stressed out waiting for the results, and then I got a job for the summer, which basically took up all my free time really. So here's my first proper post in a while, along with a few captions, I have a handful of other ideas in the pipeline, but they're not ready quite yet.

Anyway, not much has changed in the past however long it was. I passed my exams (at least well enough to get into university, wooo), but aside from the job and that not much. I have bought myself a couple of dresses though, which although don't fit perfectly (they're from charity shops, doing my bit for charity, and I haven't quite mastered the sizing system....), I'm quite happy with, if I may say, it is an amazing feeling wearing a dress....you probably knew that, and my life is just very boring, but still....

Anyway, I shall aim to update more often (how many times have I said that.....) and leave you with some captions in exchange....

ttfn

Emma x

Testing times....

That titles just a play on the fact I'm in the middle of exams at the moment, nothing to worry about. I'm just about half way through them now, finished in two weeks. I had planned to update this blog more often this week (sorry again), but revision has somewhat dashed those plans, but I thought I owed you at least one update this week. I shall endeavour to post again soon, but if I don't you know where I am.

So yeah just a short update today as I've got some more revision planned for this afternoon, but I thought I'd put up another cap to justify my absence. Also before I go a thank you to my first few followers (namely, Vickie, Miki, and Rebecca) and for my first few comments (Miki). Ty and be back soon hopefully.

Emma x

Sorry

I guess a few days turned into just over a month....sorry about that, I've got a million excuses, but none of them excuse me really, so sorry about that. If I may just use one of them, its that I've got 14 exams in the next three weeks, so I've kind've had to revise a bit, but I suppose I let myself off for 10 minutes or so to keep this going.

Anyway I promise to be back now, I've still got all the ideas for blog posts that I had before, so expect to see them in the future. I've noticed page views have gone quite a bit up, undoubtedly due to now being linked on Rebecca's World (Many, many thanks for that btw :) ) so I'll try and justify that with my posting.

I suppose the best way to apologise would be with a caption, so that's what I've done. Sorry if anyone's getting bored of Emma Watson by now :P

Emma x

Just a quick filler post.

Yeah this is just a quick filler post to say I probably won't be posting for the next couple of day. I feel rather lousy atm, headachey and the like, and I've got a fair bit of work to catch up on.

All I'm going to say here is I spent a nice long period of time (I had the house to myself for most of the day) crossdressed yesterday, matching underwear, tights and my dress. It felt brilliant to be able to do so. I loved wearing the dress, albeit I probably looked terrible but hey. If I can pluck up the courage, I'm looking at getting some more clothes this week, possibly buying a skirt and some shoes, but we'll see.

Anyway, ttfn.
Emma x

Celeb Friday: Brian Molko.

Thank you for joining me again, for the last post of the week. I generally won't post at weekends, as I don't have the time. Also looking at the stats, this blogs starting to get a few more views. If anyone has any feedback or comments to make, please comment on the blog, I'm not overly bothered if I don't recieve any, but it would be well recieved as I'm new to this, and know this may bore many people. Hopefully it doesn't but let me know if it does.

Anyway, it's a friday, which means time for a blog on a celeb. This time it's someone a little less well known than Emma Watson, but personally someone just as much as an influence on me. I spoke a little about Brian Molko on wednesday. He's a musician with the band Placebo for thsoe of you that didn't know. He's bisexual, and known for his androgynous appearence. He apparently once said he wanted guys to go to his shows, think he was a girl and think he was hot, then realise he was a guy and question themselves. His appearence started in his teens, wearing nail polish with long hair to rebel against his parents. He's become an idol of sorts of mine, not just because of his music, or us both being guitarists. He introduced me to androgyny, which I then tried to follow. I have fairly long hair now, but have had it much longer. I wanted this androgynous image, because it showed me that perhaps there was a middle way. Molko is also the first man that I've admitted (to myself and others) I'm attracted to. The first time I saw him in a music video, I did think he was a girl, then found he wasn't but still found him attractive.

This was kind've when I started questioning my sexuality (again something I'll talk about in more depth later), and identified myself as being bi. Further increasing my association with Molko, increasing my liking of him. Anyway, you may have found that all fairly boring, so now I'll bring this post to a close with a cap, featuring none other than Molko so you can have your own opinion of him. Oh yeah I forgot to mention he does do a lot of things whilst crossdressed. He also looks a lot better with long hair I think.

Emma x

The History of Emma: Part2.

After a short break, I'll now continue talking about the history of me. Sort of moving onto my teenage years, which while can be a stressful/confusing time for many people, and not very pleasant to talk about too, I would like to cover on this blog.

Just before then, couple of things I missed in the last post. I first knew of a 'sex change' in year 5 (so about 10), and I was naturally curious about it. More on that in a sec. The other being in primary school, I'd have a recurring dream where I was feminised by the girls in my class. This happened using a bath, that turned me into a girl....slightly odd I know. This was born out of the simple desire to wear a skirt, something which I could not do. This desire, was not sexually driven in anyway, (I was 10 at the time) which is why I say I don't have a fetish, but a genuine desire to be female.

Anyway, I'll cover that in my cap below. For a few years these feelings all sort of died down a bit, and this was a time where I remember very little. However, as I got older, a things change. I started to notice girls, but as is a cliche in this community, I wanted to be them, rather than be with them. When I got my own computer, and didn't have the fear of being found out, I researched on the internet, mostly around wikipedia about sex changes, leading me onto gender dysphoria and so on. It also lead me on to many of the tg caption blogs there are about.

Around this time, I started cross-dressing. At first it was just knickers and tights. Leading onto bras and eventually to dresses. These were my mothers clothes, apart from a pink dress I found, which I have no idea who that belonged to. I had an old pair of school trousers I cut out to form a skirt of sorts, I had a handbag and make up, and a pair of high heels. I kept all this under pillows on my bed. My bed was a bunk bed, and I had a box between the wall and some pillows to keep it all hidden. I was quite proud of this collection, dressed up whenever I was alone in the house, and thus learnt to walk in heels. Again, none of this was sexual, I wasn't *ahem* playing with myself while dressing, as the time I didn't even know of such things. (seriously I was an innocent child).

On several occasions I was close to being caught. Internet pages were closed a little too late sometimes, and once after applying nail polish, and unsuccessfully removing it, my mother noticed and questioned me. I passed it off as felt tip from school, but I think she secretly knew. Then I really did get caught. My mum decided to change my bed clothes, and found everything. She called my dad, and they both confronted me about it when I got home. They didn't shout at me, or anything, they passed it off as curiousity on my part. I lied about how long I'd been doing it, and swore not to do it again. At one point, they even asked me the question, "do you want to be a girl?" (or words to that effect), to which I replied no. If I'd answered differently, I wonder how life would have changed after that.

For a while after that, it went away for a while, other things happened in life. But then like a year ago, it started again, not very often, and only tights or occasionally a bra. Then I decided to look for some shoes in charity shops, as the heels I had disappeared. I didn't find any, but I found a pink dress, and in the most nerve racking thing I've ever done bought it. It's several sizes too big and is kept in my cupboard out of sight, but yeah, I own a dress.

I've also shaved my legs a few times, and would like to keep them smooth, but it's too much maintainence....

Anyway, cap time, for any of you who have sat and read all that boring drivel, well done, here's your reward. It's based on the "girls feminise me in a bath" idea....so yeah.....

Emma x

Music Wednesday: Placebo

Hello again, back with another song for Emma's music wednesday. This time it's a song from one of my favourite bands, Placebo. I first heard of them on an old ps1 games years ago, and over time my love for them increased. They're a band well associated with the LGBT community (Brian Molko, the singer and guitarist, is bi and very androgynous, and Stefan, the bassist is gay). I simply adore Placebo, and specifcally Molko, for reasons I'll go into in another blog post. This song, is perhaps their most well known, and is pretty typical of their early stuff musically and lyric wise. Nancy Boy, is a song about an effeminate male, to quote of wikipedia, which explains why it's on this blog. While I don't use such a label to myself, or call myself gay despite everything (I'm not denying who I am, or being ignorant, but I feel my sexuality is more complex than that, and something I don't have the time to explain now), I love this song. I would like to "do my make-up in my room, and douse myself in cheap perfume".

So yeah, enjoy the song, and listen to some more of their music if you can and do not already. I could write an essay on this video, so it's easier just to watch it!

Emma x

The History of Emma: Part1.

Sorry this blog has been scarce for the past few weeks, not that there's been anyone looking at it since, life kindve got in the way.

But anyway, I wanted to have a post about how everything came about, which I meant to have ages ago, but yeah. This will be the first part of how it came to be.

My 'gender dysphoria' (I don't usually use that term btw) started when I was about 4. During one of the many careless days in reception class at school, we were playing dress up....for some reason, and I wanted to wear one of the dresses, there was a yellow and a blue one. Once I put one on, and one of my young friends said "you can't wear that, dresses are for girls". I could go into a long decussion about how gender role is imparted on us from a young age, or how those who blur the lines tend to be frowned upon, but not right now. Anyway, after that I wanted to be a girl, for that reason only, and my love of dresses has always been there. During those early years, I used the girls toilets, and tried profusely to get one of the dresses during play time. At the time, I didn't really have many friends, if I remember, but the two I remember were both girls. One was called Sasha, and the other Rebecca. I moved away from the area at 7, and lost touch with both of them, but I remember playing 'horses' with Rebecca, where we'd run about pretending to be horses (I love horses as well btw), which I think is a pretty girly thing to do. After that, I got told off for using the girls toilets, and we moved away.

Some years later, at a new primary school, there wasn't really anything to talk about, apart from once when my friends and I found an alice hair band, which we all tried on (for some reason). I refused initially (embaressment, despite wanting to), but when I did, felt amazing just for something so simple, but yet feminine. I suppose that was my first time crossdressing....of sorts.....

Then, in year six, for the christmas pantomime play thing, my best friend and I played the part of the ugly sisters, which gave me the oppurtunity to wear a dress, I of course jumped at the chance, and had a nice little pink dress. A little embaressing to start with, but I still loved it. Also before the play, I kept my casting from my family, again for fear of embaressment, I was quite a shy child.....

The only other thing that I remember from my childhood really, before I finish this post and continue at another time, is going to disneyland with my parents. Big part of disney being the princesses, with the people playing the characters, and many small girls with princess dresses. Everytime I've been to disneyland, my mum has said "if you were a girl, I would buy you all of them [dresses]" to embaress me, and yeah I'd act embaressed, but really wanted that, and felt annoyed that I couldn't have them. Many dreams I had, were of being a princess, which I think is the same for every girl.

Anyway, the rest of what I have planned is sort of centred around the teenage years, so I think I'll leave that for another post. Anyway, usual cap, and music wednesday tomorrow :)

Emma x

(it's meant to be history based, and yes it's Keira Knightley)

Celeb Friday: Emma Watson

Today is the day of my second little feature. Again it's something I've seen done on other sites, but hey. Essentially, every friday I'll do a post on a celebrity I hold in high regard for a variety of reasons. Like the music idea, I have quite a few ideas of what to post here. Hopefully, it'll add a bit more variety and be worthwhile. I didn't post yesterday, partially because I didn't get round to it, and partially because I felt as I've posted every day this week I don't want to post everything at once, diluting the blog and leaving me with nothing to talk about. Also I plan to be fairly busy this weekend, so will leave another update til monday.

Anyway, back to the topic of this post, which as you can see is Emma Watson. I think I mentioned before, how much I idolise her. She (in my opinion) is gorgeous. the few pictures I've included I think show this. I am attracted to her, which shows the small part of my (male) heterosexuality being there. But I would much rather BE her than be with her. To look like her, to wear the clothes she does, and to have grown up as a girl as she has. She is two years older than me, I first knew of her (as would have pretty much everyone) after the first HP film, and 'noticed' her then. I've admired her for what she's done, and feel she's a good role model for girls these days. She's my favourite female celeb out there (if that doesn't sound too vain), and thus my namesake. Anyway, I think these pictures speak for themselves. Oh and I also prefer her with longer hair. I like long hair, both on myself and on others.

Emma x

Emma-TV: Music Wednesday

I mentioned yesterday that I'll integrate some "special features" into this blog. They're not that special, and both of them I've seen on other blogs, but hey this is my blog, I can post as I wish. As you can probably guess from the title, the first feature will be music based. Essentially it will be a song, or other musically related item that I feel relates to TG. I know there's a whole blog dedicated to such things (I can't remember the name of it, otherwise I'd reference it), but this is just my take on it. You can hate it if you want, as you can hate this whole blog. You can be cynical and say it's just a cop out as I can't think of anything to say, or any caps to make, but I don't care :P

Anyway, back on topic. The first song I've decided to feature is Shania Twain with Man! I Feel Like a Woman. It's fairly clear how this relates to anything, so I don't think I need to explain it too much. It encompasses a few of the things I long to do, such as wear skirts and colour my hair. It's a song that I first heard a long time ago, probably on the radio. I listen to it fairly frequently, and if I didn't hate the phrase "guilty pleasure" I'd apply it to this. But anyway, I've embedded the video below, it's fairly self-explanatory, and I shall be back with another blog tomorrow :)

Emma x

So, who is Emma? Part II

Yeah, so the last post was mostly about the guy me, this one's about the girl me. I think it's obvious thus far, I want to be one. If I'd been born a girl, my parents would have called me Rebecca. I'm not taking that as my first name as it's the same as another TG blog, and that's what it always reminds me of. So, when I first talked to someone about this, in real life, they asked what I would take for name, and I chose Emma. I think I'll take Rebecca as my middle name. Anyway, there's a lot of things I'd like to do as Emma, or just as a girl in general, that I can't do now. Things like dye my hair, or paint my nails. I grew my hair really quite long a while ago, and it's getting long again now, and I've always kept my nails quite long. It's mildly acceptable for a guy to do these things, but if I painted my nails bright red, and dyed my hair blonde or red as I'd like to do, that would be less acceptable. I could do it, just as I shave my legs (nice images for you there...) but people would ask questions, and at this stage I'd like to keep my two worlds separate. Anyway, I would love to do all that, and to dress up in skirts everyday, like a normal girl. As a girl, I would always wear dresses and skirts as much as possible, and be a real girly girl. This is shown in other ways too. I mentioned my love of Taylor Swift, and my music taste would be typically girly, with a pink ipod, pink phone etc. I can't do these things, and it has hurt me with not being able to. That's not to say I've not experimented. Short of dying my hair, I've shaved (and on one occasion) waxed my legs, mucked about with make up, and cross dressed in the past. Currently there's a pink dress hidden in one of my cupboards (its two sizes too big but hey). I'll go into more about my history at another stage, but I'd just like to say here that it's not a fetish thing. I've read about the differences between TG's and crossdressers/crossdreamers on blogs much better than this one, and while I call myself an autogynephiliac to an extent, it is due to a never ending desire to be a girl. One day I will be Emma, but as I've said that's not now due to certain things, and that will  be covered in another post for another day.

I think it's due for a caption. But before then I'd like to spell out how this blog will work. I hope to keep it updated every day, or every few at least, but this won't just be these sort of posts, with a cap at the end. I plan to have two "feature" posts a week (which I'm keeping a surprise for now) which won't have captions. Hopefully they'll be interesting enough to keep entertained those who visit just for the caps. Sometimes, when I don't have anything to say, I might just do a post of some caps, which will be better for some I suspect. About the caps, I don't claim that they'll be any good, or original in fact, and also I'll probably be keeping them softcore. I think that's all, so I'll leave you with this cap, appropriately with Taylor Swift.

Emma x

So, who is Emma?

I though I'd continue this blog, by telling you a little about the guy I am, and will make a post about the girl I want to be at another time. It might be a bit boring, but hey this needs to be said. I'm an 18 year old guy, currently in my final school year before I go off to university, I know what Uni I want to go to and what to study etc. I'm openly bi, as I've said. By which I mean I'm open to anybody who'd ask, I've not bothered to tell everyone as they don't need to know. Anyway, I've wanted to be a girl as long as I can remember, at least since I was four. Something I shall tell in the next post. I've followed many TG blogs and sites other the past few years, which have helped me with who I am. It's been the cause of a lot of depression through my life, and I went through some tough times, where I self harmed (I'm not afraid to admit that) but you'll be pleased to know that stopped. These days I'm a lot happier with who I am. It got to the point where I decided I want to transition. I'm not sure when that will be, what with still being young and the like. Considered whether it would be worth doing so during the Uni years, but there's some problems with that. Again something I will come to in a later blog (I have plans for blog posts for a couple of weeks btw). Anyway, where was I. I've never had a gf (or bf for that matter), and my luck in that department has been nil. Despite this, I claim to have a fairly active social life, and some excellent friends. Some of whom I've told all this too, and they've been supportive. I've never mentioned it to any family, despite some events (again see a later post), and that will be a problem when I choose to have the change. As a guy, I've built up a pretty good facade (I don't know how to get the soft c...) to hide my true self. I like a lot of guy things. Cars, music that sort of thing. I play the guitar, and my favourite bands are typical rock bands like Bon Jovi and Muse and the like. Although I do hold a soft spot for Taylor Swift. Anyway, more on my music later, I've got a quick cap now. The way I hope this blog will work is I'll have a post with some writing (like this one, but hopefully a bit more interesting in future) and then a cap at the end. I don't claim that they'll be any good, or whether anyone will pay any attention to them, but it might keep the interest of readers too lazy to read the actual blog. Oh and this blog hasn't been made very public yet. I'll try and get it out ther after it's been established a bit more, anyway cap time, and who else but my namesake....

Emma-gence

Hi. Ignore the bad pun, if I continue with this you'll be seeing plenty more of them...I'm Emma, obviously. That's a girls name, but I'm not one, at least not yet. I've always wanted to be, and am considered having the change in the future, but it's impractical atm, and there's things I'd need to work around. More on that another time. This is just another TG/TS/Autogynephiliac blog out there. I don't know why I'm making it, just bored of keeping all this to myself. Perhaps I'll post some caps, they always seem popular, whether mine will be any good or not is another matter....but I'll keep it as a diary of sorts of everything, and so on. If you're reading this you're probably as bored as I am by now. But anyway. Me. I'm an 18 year old guy, from the good old U.K. I identify as being bisexual, although I've never got anywhere near anything with either gender. but hey, life's long. My name comes from my 'obsession' with Emma Watson. I'm rambling again, so I'll stop here, write some more later....

Emma x